Today, I would like share some thoughts about how to give and receive love effectively. Some refer to this as speaking a person’s “love language.” I find that to be helpful terminology. We all experience love in different ways, and by learning to “speak each other’s language,” we can greatly enhance our relationships.

Although some may think it is cliché, I do think that Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages is an excellent source on this subject. The ideas he presents radically changed the direction of a major relationship in my life. His basic premise is that everyone gives and receives love in five major ways (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts). When we are able to identify our primary love language, we are able to understand why we feel or don’t feel loved by those around us. In order to encourage you to read it, I am going to stop repeating any more of his work on the subject, and speak in more general terms.

I want to encourage you to think about when you feel most loved. What is the one thing your spouse/roommate/co-worker could do that would really show you that they care? On the other hand, do you know what makes those closest to you feel the most loved?

It could be very productive to sit down and have a conversation with the significant people in your life and discuss these ideas. I find it helpful to actually have a written down “love list” for those around me, with some tangible ways I can show love to them. It is so easy to forget to be intentional with those we see on a daily basis. So often, we assume that they already know. However, we must remember that relationships take intentional work to grow to their greatest potential. Just like a garden, the more you put in, the more you get out. It is so helpful for both parties in a relationship to know some specific actions they can take to communicate love to each other.

Take some time today to think about how you can learn to speak the love language of those around you, and how you can help them speak yours. Maybe you already know what you could be doing, but have let the busyness of life prevent you from pursuing those around you. I am challenging all of us (including myself) to take 5 minutes today to intentionally reach out to one person today.