This post is the sixth post in a series entitled Keys To Unlocking Great Relationships. Read the previous entries in this series here. Today, I would like to write about a thought I heard in class yesterday:

“We should glance at the past but gaze at the future”

I think this is especially true in relationships. Perspective is everything. It is vital to understand how our past experiences influence our current behavior. Yet, we must not get stuck in the challenges of the past but instead we can use the insight gleaned for looking at the past to empower change in the present. We can use the knowledge we gain from examining the past to fuel our healthy choices in the present. Striking a balance between understanding the past and focusing on the future is an important part of healthy relationships. Thinking about this has challenged me to ask myself these questions:

About the past:
Have I adequately “glanced” at my past to understand how it affects the way I relate to others?

On the other hand, am I allowing myself to get caught up in the past by focusing too much on how my previous relationships affected me?

Am I allowing my former relationships to taint this relationship? Do I have expectations based on previous relationships that are unfounded in my current situations?

Do I have any areas of unforgivness in my life that are chaining me to my past? Are there any steps I can take to begin the process of forgiveness in order to break those chains?

About the present:
I am intentionally building new memories and healthy communication patterns?

Have I spoken to those closest to me about my fears stemming from past relationships? Are they aware of where I am vulnerable, and have we discussed ways we can work together to create new healthy patterns?

Am I taking time to intentionally grow the connections in my life?

About the future:
Do I take time to dream about the possibility of wholeness or healing in my current relationships?

Am I excited about the direction my relationships are going?

Do I have a vision of what I want my life to look like in 5 or 10 years?

After thinking about these questions, I found that I focus a bit too much on the past. I want to take some time this week to allow myself to cherish the present and dream about the future.